Wednesday, July 8, 2009

So much to catch up on...EEEK p1

So...Saturday...


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So I get to the nicu yesterday..everything was fine and normal in the morning. We cuddled for about 3 hours...most of which I slept because I drove through the night instead of day so I could spend the most time possible with Caid. It was exactly what I needed. I missed my girl. She changed so much already. I can`t get over how fast preemies change their looks. After our snuggle I left with plans on returning later.

Later comes, and I show up only to find her with a huge veiny belly and a huge tube down her throat sucking everything out of her belly. I wasn`t prepared for that. A week had gone by, and nothing had gone wrong at all. She was getting my breast milk by tube at 14 ml every two hours for about 6 feeds and then boom, her stomach balloons up... Image

...and gets all veiny. Now obv her stomach isn`t huge here as I wasn`t snapping pictures when all of this was going on. They kept the tube in just incase. However, her belly stayed pretty veiny. She was really twitchy when I first got there and kept waking up with painful looks on her face. She really wasnt herself. She was breathing really fast, then really slow. She had an apnea..then another later. The first two she had since the first day she was born. I sat there and spoke to her though, told her that everything would be okay while I held her hand for an hour sniffling through my tears like a little baby. (come on, you would cry too if that were your little one) Her breathing started slowing and got more regular, she started opening her eyes a lot and becoming more alert. She was even smiling a lot. Now while I know the smiles are only gas and the tube down her throat blocked a lot of them, they melted my heart anyways! She even locked her eyes on my face a few times. She also didn`t wince in pain anymore when the doctors would come in and touch her belly. I was just very happy that she wasn`t in a lot of pain anymore.

Anyways, the doctors said that this is quite common in babies born at her gestation..that the fact she went a week without anything is great. They said she bounced back faster than expected. They said she will have a straight tube..which I guess is another throat tube, put in today in place with the sucking one. They said she had no signs of infection yet, but that could be what caused the distension of her belly. They said they would monitor her much more closely for the next 24 hours. They said that they would put her on antibiotics the second they thought there was an infection. Her billirubin (sp?) went back up to 162 down from 120-some the day before. They upped the ammount of everything she was getting in her IV because they aren`t going to put food in her tummy again until they are sure she can handle it. Give her poor belly a break. They said if the apneas get worse, they will likely give her caffiene and if that doesn`t work, c-pap and then intubate her after that if that fails too. They assured me that this was just a road bump and that with prems, always expect 2 steps forward, one step back.

Here is a picture of her eyes and one of her tiny litte diaper.
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What a scary day...She just turned a week old that day. Nothing went wrong at all until that point.


Then the next day, a woman off of the board was going to be at the same hospital, and of course I wanted her to meet Bracey. She gave soooo many things. She gave me two garbage bags full of baby clothes that are just to die for!

Bracey however was doing worse than lastnight. THEN we left and she took a turn again..and then she had to get a spinal tap and I couldnt even be there. I had to wait two hours.



This is what she posted about meeting us. Isn`t she just beyond sweet?

Very Happy So, after all of these months chatting with everyone and trying to get to know all of the Sept. mom's I finally got to meet a wonderful and brave Sept. mama!!! Cindy Very Happy Very Happy

She is so sweet, and her "little" girl Bracey is amazing!!!!!!! It is really hard to believe that one little girl can have such a huge impact on your pregnancy. I left the NICU with Cindy yesterday feeling a lot of different things. I wasn't sure how I would feel being pregnant and seeing Bracey but, she was so amazing!! She is such a fighter.

What was really cool that fiesty little Bracey was a little upset and then Cindy held her hand, Bracey opened her eyes and settled right down. Even at such a young age babies know who their mama is Cool

Bracey is such a fighter!! She has really big hands and feet. Her eyes are still really dark and she has a lot of hair. She has these great little wrinkles on her forehead when she looks up. For just being a little one she has lots of fat on her legs...I couldn't stop soaking up every bit of her.

I can't wait to see Cindy & Bracey again. Hopefully it will be sooner than later. Cindy is here all by herself trying to get around the city. She really misses her Caid Crying or Very sad So any words of encouragement to her would be awesome!!! I am really going to try to get there again soon!!

Just my little update! Thanks for reading!!! Very Happy Very Happy

Sorry for the spelling mistakes Very Happy



How encouraging is that?

So then So I went in there Monday, and her tube was out! I was so excited!!!The tube down her throat turned out to be the cause of the apneas and she has a bladder infection. It wasn`t what caused it they are pretty sure it was just how fast they put her up to full feeds... Evil or Very Mad when they don`t usually rush a 29 weeker. BUT, if she didn`t pull this crap, then they may not have found it this early since it didn`t show up.. She was on antibiotics before it even showed up.





Then on Tuesday (yesterday), I posted this.

I`m sorry...I feel so lame when I just copy and paste what I said from the TWW board, I just have not had a second of free time.

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Both of us! And I have color!
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Chubby cheeks!
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Relaxing in her fake sun!
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long views
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With the repogle.
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too much tanning?
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She loves holding mommies finger!
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She is doing so much better. up to 4 mls every 3 hours of milk...Still no more apneas. She hates her bath I guess. I started her a diary. My cousin visits her when I`m gone and will write in it too...She is also going to make a super pretty name tag for her! But back to the serious stuff. She has the prettiest little smile...melts my heart. She got switched to another antibiotics, and is off of the photo therapy. They even gave me her sunglasses to take home with me. I love that I don`t have anything really to update...that means its going well!

Two crappy little updates...one being, her o2 saturation drops a lot...but they said it could be due to her holding her breath, hiccuping or a number of things. They say they aren`t worried...but as a momma, you know I am. and two, poor girl has to keep getting suppositories.





SOOOOOO now there is only left to tell you about today.
I`m going to keep it really short and update better tomorrow. Im so exhausted physically and mentally that I feel like I`m a machine that I am watching wear out or shut down. I`m just going to write this like I`m writing a complaining note to my best friend...apologies.


So I called this morning to see how Bracey was doing. I had to come back to our town to see Caid. Bracey was doing great I was told..We had a fun day here. We went to the park...took some cute pics that I will put in tomorrows posting...Caid comes to me last now when she is hurt, because she knows me the least now. I have been feeling like I have abandoned her for the last 11 weeks, but now I know she has been feeling that way too. I really feel screwed up. I feel like both of these children are my whole life, and I couldnt love anything or anyone more than these children, but I feel like they arent mine. Let me explain. Caid has grown up, and looks to my parents and sister or comforting or guidance more than me. She listens to them, and also, I can`t do much with her as Im still really sore from the section. Second of all, I have to ask to touch or hold Bracey. I don`t even get to breastfeed her..I just pump, which is miserable old hell and I can`t wait until she is on the breast. My poor dry, cracked engorged sore breasts.

Anyways..so I am in walmart shopping for hats ( I want to mention I got the worlds worst haircut and I needed a hat) Like picture degrassi hair...or garth from waynes world...thats me. But yes, at the check out, the phone rings. Bracey was put on oxygen for a little bit through the prongs in her nose, and then the oxygen in her incubator is now being regulated. Now Im hours away, freaking..but staying put because I can`t drive there right now just to have to drive back to get caid the next day and cut our visit short..I cant afford it mostly. But yes, it`s a new day now.,.so I`ll have to finish this one later...lets call this p1 and the other p2
Gotta get up to pump soon...again...my poor breasts...does it ever stop hurting?